so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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