I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
