My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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