i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i will never coherently bang her
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
