I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You ate ashes out of my bong
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize