Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Vodka?
Forever.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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