what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
