I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
