My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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