They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
