I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
