you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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