no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
