I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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