Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
