I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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