The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize