dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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