Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
