There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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