There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
