I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
