Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
