I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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