i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Hippo gnu deer
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Randomize
