It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you traded sex for a burrito?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
