On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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