it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
