Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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