Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
