your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
