Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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