Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
