what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
