I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize