i think my tv is drunk
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
