I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize