you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
