Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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