Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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