but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
