i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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