did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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