i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
