At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
