I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
