This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
That was before I lit my hair on fire
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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