i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
