if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
