You're my little dorito
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
