Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
