he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
