I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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