You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize