I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
