You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
