She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
