I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
my liver is dry heaving
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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