Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
My cat gives me a boner
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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