so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
