Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
