he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize