): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
