I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
