Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
