you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I am available for nakedness
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
