Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
