you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
We have started to decorate penises.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
