Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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