well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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