TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
