Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
