Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize