So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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