I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
