ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
