so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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