Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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