Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize