Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Bring me that man meat
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
