You just made me feel so damn special
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
