Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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