you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
