Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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