this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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