You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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