Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
