try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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