operation harelip BJ is a go
the day after is always just damage control
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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