In the future we'll all be gay
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
