New low: just hacked my moms facebook
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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