He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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