i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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