Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
