Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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