tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
