TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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