I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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