Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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