I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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