I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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