I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
