I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
