Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
