He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
