I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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