I accidentally burped into my bong.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
