she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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