i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
