I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
