Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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