so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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