Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
