Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
