I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
jump out the window naked night went bad
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
