just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
